Deadbeat Parents

In my mind, it is very simple, a child is brought into this world and for the first number of years, cannot survive and grow without adult support. That support is food, clothing, housing and emotional. My children are my responsibility and I, for one, do not want to leave their caring and well being to another person. I know that everyone's situation is different but I do not understand how a parent can abandon their children and if child support is not paid and/or visitation does not happen, that is child abandonment.The child was not responsible for the couple getting together, the troubles within the marriage or the breakdown of the marriage so why are they penalized? The money I pay to my wife for child support goes towards the well being of my children. If my wife ever cuts off my visitation because she gets angry with me or I found proof that she was putting the money towards her own best interests, I would never "punish" her by stopping child support because I would be punishing my children as well. However, I would stop sending her the money and start sending food and clothes equivalent to the monthly payment. I would continue to do this while I pursued the issue in court. I cannot envision not paying child support because that would cause me to lose my children...and where I would lose them would be in their minds.
Fortunately, my ex and I are in agreement with what child support really means and we each strive to fulfill our responsibilities towards our children.

How I Got Here - cont.

I know it sounds melodramatic but I honestly could not see a future after she took my kids away from me. I went from seeing and being with them 365 days per year to 48 days per year. At this point, I have to explain that at the time she left, I was having difficulty with the two boys, one in his rebellious mid teen years and the other with a number of issues including O.D.D. (Opposition Defiance Disorder). I believe that they both blamed me totally for the breakup of the marriage and as such, have been very distant since that time. My daughter, on the other hand, has stood beside me like a rock which I found amazing for a nine year old. She and she alone, brought me back from the brink. Her devotion allowed me to start on the long journey of rebuilding my life. We now share life. Children are amazing and resourceful creatures.

How I Got Here

I have been separated for 3 years and soon to be divorced. I have three great kids who range in age from 12 to 19. I knew she and I were having troubles but when she left with the kids, she totally destroyed my world. She took my identity and with that gone, my entire focus on life and all my objectives simply vanished.
My daughter, who was 9 at the time, called that day, crying on the phone and begging me, "I want my family back." and those 5 words crushed me. Only another father would understand how devastating it is to have your child beg for something and not be able to give it to her, no matter what you did.
The initial few months were a blur what with getting legal issues together such as custody, child support, visitation and then the turmoil of possession division and bank account changes. Add to that, having to interact with FRO (a Canadian Government support payments overseer) and it is no wonder that I don't remember specific days or minor events during that period.

Please feel free to post your experiences, opinions, links that helped you, questions, etc. I found that communication with others in the same boat showed me that I was not alone and that there are people out there that actually try and help.

It has taken me 3 years to reach the point where I can create this blog and through it, maybe help one other dad get through the blackness.